Blue

On a high, I sit and watch things around me. My demented mind seems to be making multiple interpretations of everything around me, right or wrong not being the question at all.

The blue light and the songs seem to be augmenting the experience of it all. And as I keep looking at the source of the blue light, I can feel myself rising and drifting... up, up... right into the blue bulb, and suddenly everything around me disappears into a voluminous ambiance of blue light.

All around me, its just blue. I have no idea of the physical state, its neither solid, nor liquid, nor gas... nothing that physics can explain. It just seems to be something thats flowing all around me, and even through me. I am in the world of my mind... my own mind... which I seldom peek into.

A bleak world it is, various shades of blue engulfing everything around. But, I wonder, why is it so? Why is it that every other color, every other feeling has been totally purged out of my mind? Why is it that I can see or feel nothing but an emptiness... a solid kind of emptiness, something that hits with full force right across your soul, shakes you up to the very roots in a single impact. Or is that loneliness?

Now this might seem an entirely funny feeling, how can I be lonely with the best of my friends and so many people around me? Loneliness is not physical at all. Its the absence of people, not from the real world, but from the mind and the heart. Its the absence of people who I can talk to, who I can confide into. Its the absence of that someone that I have been waiting for so long.

But then, again, why is loneliness such a difficult feeling to cope with? After all, I always have at least one person to talk to, one person to confide into, Myself. But its difficult to talk to myself. The other me, the one that I want to talk to, has hidden himself under the thick blanket of the blue loneliness that fills every corner of my mind.

There... I see something move.. and there.. and there too. Its everywhere... its me.. trying to break away, trying to break free from this loneliness that has engulfed me. I will be free. I shall be free.