On days, various days in fact, more often than not, it so happens with me that I contradict myself. I talk to, argue with and contradict myself, and thereafter contradict the very fact that I have contradicted myself.
It might sound pretty lame, but the fact is that we all, at some time or the other, feel an urge to talk to, to hold someone... to dispell those moments when the loneliness becomes larger than other things in life. It is at those moments that I, like all of us, look for companionship, for someone... anyone. The yearning becomes so strong that other things at that moment stop mattering all together. In fact, everything seems to be just as lonely, just as sad, just as I am. And then, in that moment of weak loneliness, I start talking to myself.
We, that is I and me, together we talk about life, about the meaning of and the need for life. We argue, we contradict each other, we fight... and we reach no conclusion about anything at all. Things keep moving in and out of focus. And together we sit and wonder.. about the mundane and the arcane. Forgotten is the fact that there is a whole world outside us, forgotten is the smoke hanging heavy upon us, the light around us and the darkness closing in upon us. Forgotten is the longing for companionship, the yearning for someone to hold on to, the desire for someone to talk to. We talk about things big and small... but we only talk about us. No one else matters then... no one.
And then I wonder, why do we need anyone else ? Together, I and me that is, have discussed that and realised that it is not the big things in life that matters to us. That it is the small things that we want to talk about. That person I am yearning for, I just want to tell her how I love the sunrise, how I love the white bird walking all by itself in the green lawn, how I like a particular song, a particular color, a particular book, how I love to sit all by myself and think about things, about everything...
But then... here I contradict myself again... if I so like to sit by myself, why do I need somene to tell this to ?
2 comments:
I agree.
Sometimes the loneliness get to us so much that we ache with a mental pain that has an excruciating physical manifestation. But we simply can't go upto the one person we want to talk to because we don't want them to know that we need them,want them...and that we are human too.
The walls built are strong,yes,but when they start crashing all around us,they fall like tenuous column of matchsticks.
I haven't tried talking to myself yet,only probably because I know I can't.
But I'm happy you are on talking terms with the one person who should matter to you most - You.
Rock on.
'u r always heard wen it's essential'..a call to survive!!
u ll always find someone with a common sharing of tragedy!!u ll... so thr u go...take refuge in the written word...
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