And then...

...a streak of lightning tore through the sky, highlighting the dark silhouette, sitting there all by itself... all cold and dark. I shouted out to him, but he wouldn't reply, the sihouette didn't even budge. Lonely and blue as I was, I needed someone to talk to.

Not knowing who he was or why he was there, it was difficult at the outset but I started talking to him. But still, it seems my words failed to register. The silhouette just sat there... still. The darnkess of the silhouette like that of a black-hole... absorbing all, giving nothing. All my words, my tears, my sobs, my smiles, my laughters, my anger, my outburst, my reveree, my remarks... just drowned into the silhouette, the lonely sihouette, invoking no response.

Dejected, I fell silent... and remained so for a long time. Every now and then, a flash of lightning would show the sihouette was still there, the same way as it was, no change, as if time had stopped for it... the lonely silhouette. I thought I must move on, find some other soul to confide into, but somehow I couldn't. I felt a strange connection with it, I couldn't possibly leave him there, all alone. So I sat there, looking onto the place where the silhouette would momentary pass in and out of my sight with every flash of lightning.

The dawn was approaching, soon there would be light and I would probably be able to see who he was. I kept peering into the dark, trying to spot the blotch of darkness in an ocean of black. I kept wondering if he was still there, reassured of his presence by the momentary flashing lightning.

As the sun smeared the sky with vermillion, I thought I cound somehow discern who he was. But as the sun moved on, shedding light on the darkness outside and within, the sihouette began to move and fade. Little by little it trickled out of view till it had completely faded and dissolved into the light just the way it was with the darkness. Where did he go, what was it, who was he.

I dont know, maybe I'll may probably never find out either. But then, sometimes, when I look at my own shadow in the sun, I wonder... was it actually a silhouette or a shadow of something or someone else ? And, a gust of wind blew, passing through my hair, setting them flowing with the wind, and then I noticed the uncanny resemblence between my shadow and the silhouette... but then, I had to forget about it and move on, coz life goes on.

... and when I am dying...

as I fall through the infinite abyss... out of the darkness into the very womb of light, fly up while going down, I think.

I think of the times when I was alive. I think of times when darkness was sweet, I think of times, when solitude was a bliss, I think of the time when I missed both darkness and solitude. I think...

Its all coming back to me, the spectrum of colors surrounding me slowly fading into the darkness of the sun, the sonatas fading away into the silence of the sea. As the walls of the abyss leave light behind, the hiss of the still air in the abyss piercing my ears... I break.

My clothes burning away... shreds flying above me, tears fill my eyes and spill out into the womb of light, but I move on leaving them behind. I move on leaving the darkness and the light, the sound and the silence, solitude and society, I leave myself behind... and I move on.

As I near the womb of light, I realise, its not light that I am falling into, its not darkness that I am falling from, its not the walls of the abyss that are closing in, its not the hiss of the air thats piercing my ears... its nothing. Its the Nothing.

The Nothingness that fills the abyss hits me hard now... but I dont feel the pain. I dont feel the abrupt silence, I dont feel the sudden pause that has come about... I just feel Nothing... The Nothing. Have I reached ? Where have I reached ?

As the question haunts me, I look around. The Nothingness slowly fades out. I see myself fading back in view. I can now see the colors, I can now hear the sound, I can now experience the darkness and the silence as the absence of colors and sound. I feel happy again... I Feel again ! I have fallen back to the darkness of the sun, the silence of the sea and the spectrum of colors.

But then...wasn't it death ? Or was it just the absence of life... I wonder...I Wonder.